“Our deepest fear…”

“Our deepest fear is NOT that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

 Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson


Random Ramblings

*Note: This post was originally written as a note on my iPod before I fell asleep last night.**On 8/16/13*

 I have a whole bunch of time to just think lately…

 God is good. He’s blessed me so much…and I haven’t always– take that back– I have never held up my share of the agreement. Actually what is considered my share is nothing compared to what God has given me.

 I’ve never been the type of Christian who wears their saved-ness (can I say that?) on their sleeve, nor have I ever wanted to be. I know that my words, thoughts, and more accurately, my actions will show the world my relationship with Him. I don’t find it attractive when other people who believe in Christ must offend others in order to believe what they want to.

 Kevin Hart, a really popular comedian, made a joke about his ultra-saved, uber-holy cousin who just throws Jesus in his face all the time. Kevin said that an example conversation with his cousin would go something like this…

 Kevin: Good Morning.

Cousin: It IS a good morning…because Jesus woke us up! BOOM! I love Him, DO YOU?!

 Was that really necessary? I don’t think so. Of course that was a comic reenactment of something…but there is plenty of truth in comedy.

Now that I’ve stated my opinion on that…there is something that slightly bothers me. I’ve never really been referred to as a woman of God. Is it because every Facebook status or tweet isn’t a scripture or churchy phrase? I’m not saying I’m offended…just that I want to be a woman of God. Before you begin to judge me for being vain or in need of trivial recognition…it’s not only for other’s the see that. I want HIM to see me and see a peculiar one, a child of His set apart with grace and favor. What’s wrong with the world seeing his influence/affect/favor on/in me?

 The song by MaryMary(I’m not really a fan) called ‘God In Me’ comes to mind right now…

 And I know…I may not be the nicest or sweetest person I know, but I know who my maker is, I know how far I’ve come in my spiritual growth, maturity, and self-discipline, I know who wakes me up each and EVERY morning, and lastly, I know WHY.

 Obviously, the most important thing is…I know who/what God is TO me and what He’s done FOR me.

 Woman of God, child of the King, a peculiar people, the chosen ones, etc…call me what you want.

 I said it already, but… God is good.

 Random, right?



I Haven’t Met You Yet

The title of this post is slightly misleading. Because there is a Michael Buble song of the same title, maybe you assumed this post would be about a romantic relationship, love, or a desire to be loved. I can’t say that your assumption was wrong. In this case, the aforementioned relationship isn’t with a handsome, perfect guy…it’s the relationship I have with myself.

 What/Who/How do I want to be?

 In the last few months, I’ve found myself asking that question frequently. What kind of person do I really want to be? Who do I want to represent everyday when I wake up and go to work? How do I want others to describe me?

 You could say I’ve come to a sort of epiphany. Well, maybe.

 On one hand…I want to be fabulous. I want to be memorable. I want to be epic. I AM EXTROVERT.

On the other…I just want to be successful. I want to have quiet evenings at home. I want to be genuinely happy. I AM INTROVERT.

 My dilemma lies in the debate as to whether those two “people” – my introvert and my extrovert- can co-exist. As I’ve gotten older, I think that I’m getting closer to the truth in that debate. At different times in my life, I’ve let one facet of my personality overshadow the other. I remember that in those times, I wasn’t content functioning at my extremes.

 You may be wondering…what brought on this ‘epiphany’? Well, that’s easy.


 In order for me to be truly happy, in order for me to reach my highest potential in life and personality, I have to stop thinking about being more of ‘myself”, and focus on being more like Him. John 3:30 states clearly, “He must increase, but I must decrease.”

 Simple, right? Yes and no. It’s a process.

 I’m not quite perfect at always being Christ-like, but I’m trying. I know that the person I’m meant to be is just as fabulous as she wants to be, is successful, is ridiculously epic, and still manages to enjoy quiet evenings at home when she wants to. How do I know that?

 Everyone’s favorite verse. Philippians 4:13. “I can do [be] all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

 To the near-future me. I’m excited to meet you. I know you’ll be great…


…I Just Haven’t Met You Yet.



Friends…How Many of Us Have Them?

I should be asleep right now since I have to be up in less than 6 hours, but I wanted to share this post before I decided to go to bed.
“I don’t want to be your friend anymore.”

Simple, right? Straight to the point. Clear and concise.

What if all friendships that were destined to fail ended as amicably and simply as that? I think there would be a lot less drama in the world. Today, I realized something important. Some would call it an epiphany. I think I just finally admitted something to myself. I’ve decided to stop lying to myself about something that has affected me more in the last few months than ever before.

Here goes nothing. I’m not good at having friends. There, I said it. Actually, I’m quite terrible at it. My entire life, I’ve depended on my siblings (who are awesome) to be my friends, not realizing that my relationships with people outside of my family are just as important.

I’m a graduate of college, I attended schools for about 16 years, and I can’t really say I have many friends or even a core group of friends to show for it. I try not to think about it often, but being myself in my new apartment gives me plenty of time to let my million miles-per-minute-mind wander.

Who do I blame for my broken friendships? Who CAN I blame for them? I’m the only constant in them all.

I blame myself. My insecurity, my issues with self, my trust issues, and the overall lack of faith in people has affected me in ways I didn’t notice until now.

Where do I go from here? Do I attempt to repair current relationships? Reopen old wounds a.k.a. friends that have never completely healed? Or do I continue on with life, armed with this new knowledge about myself and carrying what I know into future friendships and relationships?

I have no idea. Not one. What I do know is that there is a problem, rooted in me, and I need to fix it (or better yet, give it to God to handle).

My big brother tell me that I shouldn’t be worried. His theory is that I’ve been focused on what I’m supposed/expected to do and what I need to do to be successful that I didn’t bother making useless friends. [He would also disapprove of this blog post]

Here’s what I think of that theory. My brother is trying to protect me from myself. He’s trying to make me feel better about my utter lack of unrelated meaningful people. In order for me to fix myself, I must figure out the “whys” about who I’ve become. I don’t blame my siblings, but being the youngest, I think I’ve subconsciously absorbed their experiences, thoughts, and beliefs as my own about life.

Who needs to actually experience teenage rebellion and feelings when you have lived them vicariously 3x over?

Where’s the big tada? I’ve never confronted myself before now about my friendships statuses.

I’m not a kid anymore. Something told me it was time to ask myself a simple question.

Friends…how many of us have them?


Have You Ever?

Last night, I went to dinner and a movie with my cousin. After the movie, we sat in the car for about an hour talking about life, love, relationships, dreams, goals, etc.

He asked me a question. “Have you ever been in love?”

I couldn’t answer immediately. I had to think about it for a second. I didn’t have a boyfriend at all during my college years, my only real boyfriend was a long-distance thing. I thought I was in love with him, but teenage hormones and emotions can be deceiving. He was a great guy, really caring, and a true sweetheart. I don’t want to sound like I’m boasting, but I do think he loved me.

I’m not sure if I have shied away from relationships, ignored guys, or just not been interested in dating, but…I think I’m ready now.

What’s that 80s love song? “I wanna know what love is…I want you [insert dream bf’s name] to show me.” Yea…something like that.

I believe that love is a beautiful thing, if done right. I’ve seen many stupid, emotionally abusive couples, and I can admit to being jaded about relationships. But I also think that if the right guy came along…we could try.


“Have you ever been in love?” No, but whenever I do…I’d like to get it right the first time.



Inner Turmoil

I’ve been trying to lose weight for as long as I can remember.

No, seriously. As far back as age 7, I’ve felt/thought/was told I was overweight and needed to slim down.

I think the fact that I was always uber self-conscious and always thought I was fat affected me negatively in the long run. Food has been a STRUGGLE for me. There is a love/hate relationship I have with the foods I love. I’ve recently started a new cycle of “I’m going to lose with weight finally and become a sexy beast”.

This cycle includes daily workouts, better food choices, counting calories, drinking more water, self-motivation, and…unfortunately, bouts of sadness about my body.

Well, today I let myself down. I ate probably DOUBLE my daily calories, drank a soda, AND didn’t workout this morning.  What is wrong with me!?

I have the best intentions, I can see myself 50lbs lighter, I have goal outfits, dreams of wearing a swimsuit comfortably, feeling good about myself, having confidence in my appearance, and overall feeling good in my own skin. But all those dreams and fairytales won’t come true if I don’t figure something out.

I’ve never failed at anything in my life. Can’t start now.