Happy Thanksgiving!

In the United States, today is Thanksgiving Day! It’s a day traditionally celebrated with family, over-gluttonous amounts of food, and people sitting around a table/room saying what they are thankful to God for. Today, my “I’m thankful for…” list is pretty simple. 

1. I’m thankful for no fat comments.

That was easy.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! 😀

-Misfit.

 

People are Reading!

In two days, my last post  “Being Nigerian & Single” [see archives], has gained over 300 views! I’m not a professional blogger by any definition and I don’t think I’ve ever even had double digit daily views before. I’m extremely excited about it.

Thank you to everyone and anyone who is reading this right now. What I wrote as a simple outlet of my feelings about the lack of marital status struggle, many people, Nigerian and non, from all ages, on different continents, have been able to relate to! That tells me I am not by myself.

All the likes, shares, features, and comments have made me feel kinda like a celebrity. But I know I’m not. I’m just a 21-year-old girl expressing herself. That’s about it.

If you have stumbled upon this post, this page, or this site…I encourage you to look around and ultimately follow!

I have much to say about many things. Stay and read a while…

-Misfit.

P.S. If you’d like to reach out to me, please feel free! I’d love to “meet” you.

Being Nigerian & Single.

My name is Oluwatobi Olofintuyi.

Let me tell you what Nigerians think of me, a 21-year-old college graduate, not having a fiance, or even boyfriend…

The struggle. They see me as the struggle.(ALREADY!?)

It’s as if these Nigerians expected me to graduate from college with a ring on my finger. I was supposed to walk across the stage to get my diploma…all the while planning my walk down the aisle to marry my betrothed. They expected it to happen all at once.

Umm…what? These are the same people who all but glued a note to my forehead saying “no boys allowed” all through my 16 years of school. When during my avoidance of all things male was I supposed to meet a guy, date him, fall in love, get proposed to, and plan a wedding? Are YOU confused? So am I.

Nigerians aren’t even really as forward as you would expect with their “you’re not married yet?” commentary. Let me explain. There are always an abundance of weddings to attend. And for each couple getting married, there is more than one “event” that is a part of the marriage festivities.

As a single girl, one has to be prepared to hear some, if not all, of the following phrases at such events:

“We will do your own wedding, In Jesus’ name.” -Is the likelihood of me getting married without divine intervention that bad?

“God willing, I will be alive to see your wedding.” -Are you expecting to be old and decrepit by the time it happens?

“When you get married, my gele(large sculpture-like African headtie) will be oscillating.” -So it’ll be that large a miracle if I get married that you will tie your BIGGEST gele for my celebration?

“There are lots of fine(nice) Nigerian boys out there.” Soo…I should just line them up and pick? Or better yet…put an ad in the paper/on craigslist to recruit applicants?

“What are you waiting for?” Of course I’m intentionally waiting until I’m past child-bearing age and my youth is over to get married.

“I have a guy(their sister’s husband’s little brother’s best friend’s cousin) for you.” Umm…no, thank you.

These questions/comments/suggestions don’t make 20-somethings want to attend weddings, engagements, parties, or any other event where old married ladies sit at a table and render judgement on all the “spinsters”. As soon as you walk in, it’s like you can FEEL their watchful eyes, filled with pity at your LACK of marital status…you just want to hide in a corner, at home, under the covers.

I noticed the change in my mother’s attitude toward me dating during my 1st semester of Senior year of COLLEGE. It was probably while I was home on Fall break or Thanksgiving break. She asked me if I was talking to or dating anyone. My first thought: this is a trap. Are you expecting me to say no? Will a ‘no’ affirm that I am the good girl you raised me to be? Should I say ‘yes’? Is that answer going to earn me praise for meeting a “nice/good boy” or insults for not “facing my books”? With my mother…you just never know. I decided to just tell the truth. Nope, no boyfriend, no guy friend I hope likes me back, no annoying guy who is obsessed with me…nothing. I think she was a bit disappointed. *Cue more confusion and a sense of failure*

My parents and I never had “the talk” or anything remotely close to one. I just knew that doing certain things or engaging in certain activities might result in loss of life at the hand of my father or mother. Thankfully, youth groups, older sisters and bible study sessions filled in the gaps.

Besides being unattached, overall I think I’ve done pretty well in life so far. I graduated on time. I got a job before graduation. I have enough to pay my bills. I’m not careless or completely reckless in my post-grad behavior. I don’t have any kids. Apparently, that isn’t quite good enough.

Do I think about having a boyfriend? Yes. Would I like the comfort that seems to come with a loving relationship? Of course. Would it be nice to have a person who cares about my comings and goings each day? Absolutely. Am I going to going to actively pursue attractive men in the hopes of gaining the aforementioned? No.

The Bible says in Proverbs 18:22[AMP], “He who FINDS a wife, FINDS a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” So, whoever/wherever he is, he needs to find me. In the meantime, I will do my part in the “hide and seek” game. I will try to make sure I don’t look raggedy outside, be friendly, make sure I represent Christ daily, and prepare myself mentally to be found. I always joke, “I’m just waiting to be found.”

Until that happens…in the eyes of Nigerians, I will continue to be “le struggle”.

-Misfit.

15. Go to my favorite artist/band’s concert.

I’ve begun checking off my “before I turn 30” bucket list!

Shannon and I holding up our “Upfront with United” stickers after the experience. Don’t we look happy?

Number 15 on the list, “Go to my favorite artist/band’s concert.” has been completed! Today, Monday, November 18, I attended a concert for one of my favorite Christian bands, Hillsong United. When I wrote the list, I didn’t have this band or, honestly, this genre of music in mind. But when I found out about the concert, I decided since this would be a time to be with Jesus in a venue like that, it trumped any other band.artist I could go and see.

Let me tell you…It was an experience like no other. Complete with concert lighting and graphics, I worshipped and praised God. I had a great time. It was amazing. One of my best friends, Shannon[pictured], attended the concert/experience with me.

When we bought our tickets 3 days ago, on Friday(is that considered 4 days?), Shannon and I were SO excited. It’s such a blessing to be excited and happy about the opportunity to fellowship and worship in an arena filled with people from everywhere and anywhere. To my right and left were strangers, but in that place there was no difference between us. People of all denominations, colors, creeds, genders, shapes, ages, and sizes came together for a few hours because of a simple common denominator: the love and salvation we have all found in Jesus Christ. 

With our hands lifted high, our voices ringing in the coliseum, and a heart open for a word from Him, we were a nation. We were a church. We were Zion. It was an incredible feeling. This is one bucket list item that I won’t mind crossing off many times over.

hillsong 2013 1

Hillsong: Young & Free and Hillsong United, God bless you.

-Misfit.